Drive by Update

Embryos are now in NJ!!!! :) Got the package from the clinic with everything I need to get signed and testing to be done. Tom was a bit upset that he still has testing to do. The nurse said it's because we are sexually active. I felt like telling her "well no not really. Seeing since all the fertility madness we've really not at all!" But I didn't. I stopped myself. lol

So I have my OB appt next Thursday, March 3rd and I'll have my cultures and physical done. No pap needed as I got it last July and it's still good she said. I will also need a Mammo. I'm NOT happy about that. I know I'm bad at 44 years old and never having one, but my MD clinic never enforced it, but they do. So I'm going to have to toughen up and just get it done. Hopefully nothing is found. Tom and I will go over to Lapcorp and get our bloodword out of the way while we're in that area and he's with me. All he has to do is give blood and piss in a cup. NICCCCE!

With that said, I would have to say that our FET will probably now happen in May or June. May being on BCP and FET in June. Trying to make it happen in April is unrealistic. Who knows at this point. I really want to get to it, but money wise we don't have it. I need to at least have a cc to use at this point. Right now we are tight with not much on cc to spare. Again, I'm ok with this. I was happy to see I lost 3 more lbs this morning, so I know it will be for the best when we do our FET. 12lbs total!!

I will keep you all posted as always!

God Bless.

L

Can I get a "Alleluia"???? Well of course I can!!!!

My birthday wish is here. Yesterday was the day the word came from our donor. Those beautiful words that filled my heart with joy, at a great time too, 2 days away from my Birthday!! Those reassuring words that I longed to hear for what seems an eternity. Donor; "Well this is it. The embryos are yours!! All the necessary paperwork is done on our end! You can call the clinic in TX and have them shipped to NJ!"

WOW what a feeling! 4 Beautiful embryos for my 44th Birthday! We really need to do our FET in April being it's the 4th month right? It just feels right. We will try our best!

So here's the plan. I called the clinic today. Monday I will receive a call from Sarah who takes care of this sort of thing. For about $350 or so I will have my babies shipped to our clinic in NJ! Once they are there, I will call my nurse and discuss our FET plans! Can you believe I'm finally here?? I can't. It's not real to me. I've been waiting for so long for something to happen after our last IVF attempt and our moment is here!

I pray to the Lord that these beautiful, precious embryos are my path to motherhood. Something I've wanted for way too long. Please God, hear my hearts desires. Help one (or two) of these precious gifts become my child on earth for me to love.

In Jesus' name. AMEN.

God Bless.

I will keep you all posted!

L

Well we're in limbo. My donor has to fill out these forms from the TX clinic where the embryo's are; sign, notarize & mail back. She's waiting for them. This clinic as she said seems to be very laid back. They take their time with sending paperwork.

I hope this is resolved by the end of this month at least. This way I can have the embryo's shipped to NJ and get some kind of idea of when we'll do our FET.

In a way things happen for a reason. I need to stay on this path of losing weight. Today is Day 6 of Detox week and I must say, it was a rough start (first 3 days) but once I could add some lean meat on Day 4 I started feeling better. Still had headaches but today is a much better day. This Detox week thing really does what it says. Once you get through it you really don't crave all the junk you use to eat. It makes you embark on the next journey. Keeping a diet going! I told Tom (DH) that I want to continue eating veggies like I am now and eating our big bowl of salad with lean meat everyday till the end of February and see how much weight we lose. I think it will be great to do it! Don't get me wrong, my birthday is on the 19th and WE WILL be going to dinner at Outbacks to celebrate!!! I don't think we've been there in a year :-0 !! It's time! :)

Update....

Certified check sent today to the attorney! Attorney confirmed my email stating that and is in the process of sending the release embryo donor agreement to our clinic in NJ!!! Hopefully by next week sometime our embryos will be in transit from TX to NJ!!!

Hubby wants to REALLY try and do our FET in Feb or March. He said while we're on 'down time' with his work hours and mine, we should get it done. He said to try and find a credit card that we could use. I was going to do the FET in April/May because we could probably pay for the FET then. Now it's to find a card :/ It makes sense to try and do it in Feb/March, this way when busy season starts in April/May we won't have to stress over losing money with trying to reschedule his jobs or if I get a full time job by then as well, it will be hard to go away to NJ to do our FET. I hope we can pull it off. We'll work it out financially somehow so we can do it in Feb/March.

I was hoping to shed about 30lbs before, but I did that once before for my last IVF and it didn't work. I worried about miscarrying, not being so overweight, etc and the end result wasn't any better. It is what it is. I will start eating healthier though that's for sure starting right now!

Please pray that God leads us to the 'right' time whether it be Feb/March/April/May...whenever He knows best.

God Bless.

My bumpy road is becoming straight again.

It seems like forever since my last update. December 10, 2010 to be exact. Well here is goes....

Nothing has changed but everything has changed when it comes to my job. First they did cut my hours to part time. Legally I could claim partial unemployment, so that is helping some as I look for another job. I'm experiencing alot of inner stress over the 'politics' of the new protocols and mismanagement really. I know who my supervisor is, but do they??? To sum it up "too many Chiefs, not even indians" and we'll leave it at that. I keep telling myself, this too shall pass. A new full time job will change everything in time unless God has other plans in store for us ;-)

Now....on to some GOOD NEWS FINALLY!!!!!

Our donors came through. The agreement has been signed but not delivered yet to our attorney. We will soon be the proud parents of 4 beautiful embryos for our near future FET! I can't believe we're here or I should say, ALMOST here! Never the less, it's good news and it's ABOUT TIME for us! Now to work on my moral after everything that I've been through in the past year. This year will be our year of miracles. I am still searching for my inner happiness, after being hurt so badly on every end of this crazy spectrum. I need to get myself back together like Humpty Dumpty. Silly but true.

So now it's onto getting my body, heart and soul intact. Literally. Once the attorney, embryo transport and storage fees are paid it's on to saving for a Spring/early Summer FET. Hoping more for Spring, but I'll know when it's the right time, financially and spiritually. I hate waiting any longer than I have to; God knows I've waited long enough for this blessing that the Lord sent to me once again.

I will try and post more often now that I feel I have something to share again without being so depressing. Sometimes being quiet is the best thing for one to be after going through some pretty hard falls. Though I have felt sad and very badly for not sharing my downs as well with all you wonderful ladies who have supported me for so long in the past. Sometimes you just need time to sort through your own sadness and come back stronger. I might not be fully there yet, but these embryos are certainly filling my heart with hope and joy :)

God Bless you.

Til futher updates! :)

And now we wait....

I finally got our Donor's infectious disease paperwork that we had been waiting for sometime now and sent it off to the clinic via email. This was one of the key factors that the clinic was requesting, besides the embryo quality of course and they got that part months ago. So now we wait. Without this clinics approval, there's no way we can proceed with the legal aspects because we need to let the attorney know what clinic we'll be using for the FET. It needs to be put in the contract. I was really hoping to have this legal part out of the way when the New Year rolled around, but the way things are going, it's not looking too promising.

We're leaving for our Christmas trip back home (Montreal, Quebec) on December 20th and won't be back until January 2, 2011. So if I don't hear back from the clinic today or by very early next week with the OK on whether they can except the embryos or not, then nothing will be done until the New Year. It's disappointing, but I'm use to that by now with everything I've been through this past year. If it does go in our favor, then our attorney told us the contract process is rather quick. Hence us wanting this part done with by Friday, December 17th. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I really don't think it will happen though.

tick tock, tick tock......

The Verdict is in....2011 sucks already

Got confirmation today that the Association meeting last night went well over all, but nothing about my position changed and they're moving ahead with the decision of making my position part time starting January 1, 2011. I need to let them know by this Friday, December 10th if I'm staying on. What the hell do they think??? I can just leave? I probably could and claim maximum unemployment for 6+ months and stay home and search for a job, but like my husband says, I'm not the type who feels worth anything staying at home. Plus if I do take it, I can still claim a 'partial' claim and make about $100 less a week for the time being while I'm still searching for a new full time position hopefully with benefits this time.

I'm so worried though. Sick to my stomach with worry. How will I continue to pay the bills I have making $400-500 less a month? How do I move forward with my dreams of becoming a mother in 2011 as I was so hoping for? How do I keep paying for my individual health insurance that's $330 a month not including dental or vision? I'm sick to my stomach I tell ya, just sick.

But no matter what, I'm going to have to bite the bullet. Go without paying some bills and those would be credit cards, I have no choice. The debt is high, but so is my stress. I want a normal life. Dreams that are obtainable. I'm tired of hurting and being hurt. Where do I find the strength with each passing heartbreak and disappointment? Lord, have I not been tested enough? There are far worse of people, I know this and understand this, but I have had my fair share of heartaches and let downs in the past 17 years that I feel it's time. Time for my dreams to come to pass. I beg of you Lord.