Friday, December 10, 2010

And now we wait....

I finally got our Donor's infectious disease paperwork that we had been waiting for sometime now and sent it off to the clinic via email. This was one of the key factors that the clinic was requesting, besides the embryo quality of course and they got that part months ago. So now we wait. Without this clinics approval, there's no way we can proceed with the legal aspects because we need to let the attorney know what clinic we'll be using for the FET. It needs to be put in the contract. I was really hoping to have this legal part out of the way when the New Year rolled around, but the way things are going, it's not looking too promising.

We're leaving for our Christmas trip back home (Montreal, Quebec) on December 20th and won't be back until January 2, 2011. So if I don't hear back from the clinic today or by very early next week with the OK on whether they can except the embryos or not, then nothing will be done until the New Year. It's disappointing, but I'm use to that by now with everything I've been through this past year. If it does go in our favor, then our attorney told us the contract process is rather quick. Hence us wanting this part done with by Friday, December 17th. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but I really don't think it will happen though.

tick tock, tick tock......

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Verdict is in....2011 sucks already

Got confirmation today that the Association meeting last night went well over all, but nothing about my position changed and they're moving ahead with the decision of making my position part time starting January 1, 2011. I need to let them know by this Friday, December 10th if I'm staying on. What the hell do they think??? I can just leave? I probably could and claim maximum unemployment for 6+ months and stay home and search for a job, but like my husband says, I'm not the type who feels worth anything staying at home. Plus if I do take it, I can still claim a 'partial' claim and make about $100 less a week for the time being while I'm still searching for a new full time position hopefully with benefits this time.

I'm so worried though. Sick to my stomach with worry. How will I continue to pay the bills I have making $400-500 less a month? How do I move forward with my dreams of becoming a mother in 2011 as I was so hoping for? How do I keep paying for my individual health insurance that's $330 a month not including dental or vision? I'm sick to my stomach I tell ya, just sick.

But no matter what, I'm going to have to bite the bullet. Go without paying some bills and those would be credit cards, I have no choice. The debt is high, but so is my stress. I want a normal life. Dreams that are obtainable. I'm tired of hurting and being hurt. Where do I find the strength with each passing heartbreak and disappointment? Lord, have I not been tested enough? There are far worse of people, I know this and understand this, but I have had my fair share of heartaches and let downs in the past 17 years that I feel it's time. Time for my dreams to come to pass. I beg of you Lord.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Some news....

Lots has been happening. Some good news came to us awhile back and we are going to move on to a Donor to acheive our dream of becoming parents together. Something I am very blessed to have been offered.

With that said.....the bad news.

I'm going to be losing my job that I have been at for over 5 years. I had to come to terms with some hard decisions these past few days.

I work for a Community Association where I run the Clubhouse there. I am a Manager/Activity Coordinator. The neighborhood is dominent military of over 7000 people. My job has always been full time and sadly enough it was brought to my attention this past Wednesday (December 1st) that they are changing my position to part-time. Not changing any of the job duties/description of course, but cutting the hours in half. It will now be 20 hours a week versus 40 hours. I am devasted. Out of all the budget cuts they jumped at my jugguler first and with no thought for one second how this would affect me and my families finances what's so ever. I am and have been the ONLY employee running the show(events) and managing the place for over 3 years out of the five. I have brought the Clubhouse to where it is today on my own recognition and as it seems, I am not even getting the respect I deserve.

With this news I am faced with declining to continue the position because after much thought and research, I am better off saying "No" and collecting maximum on unemployment than staying on as a part time employee at the same job and losing 1/2 my weekly income and having to spend money on gas to get to the place 5 days a week. Not with the prices today.

I wrote a one & 1/2 page letter to the board justifying myself and my position to them asking them to reconsider their decision. The letter was sent via email on Friday. There's a big Annual Association meeting for members to attend on Tuesday night, not solely for the board. I guess this is where they will let members who attend know of the new budget for 2011. I'm not sure if they will go into detail and mention there decision on my job status or where I will stand when it comes to Tuesday after they've had the time to discuss my letter, if they even do. I hope and pray that they do and they reconsider, but if they don't and don't reply in some form to me, then I will have no choice to decline staying on. It breaks my heart that I'm faced with such circumstances, but as I've always said about alot of things in my life, "It is what it is." I can't change their minds by myself. If members appreciate the work I've done for them and how I've taken care of their Clubhouse they will fight for me. I've already mentioned it to a few members in the last 2 days, I might see more on Monday and Tuesday and I will not hold back then either. I figure this is all I can do at this point.

In all honesty, I feel discarded. Like I don't even matter. In the letter/notice from them it said very briefly at the end that I had till Friday, December 3rd to give my answer. Yes, they only gave me a day and 1/2 to make up my mind, but took them months to decide to change my life in a split second. The other sad part is in speaking with some members I found out yesterday that they are increasing Association dues. Yes, you read it right! They are going on like they should, but cutting my salary. I'll be losing over $18,000 a year. Right there that doesn't even make sense, but then again, the word discarded comes back to mind. They really don't care for me doing what I do & have done on a full time basis. Go figure, the ones who I was told voted on making the change don't even attend or participate in any event or Clubhouse amentities. So why would they care if I went part time & have financial heartbreak?

With that said, I will see where this next week leads to and if it's a deadend then I will start cleaning out my computer of personal things & my office as well, this way when my last day comes on December 19th before my final 2 weeks off, I will then let them know I am not returning in 2011. I don't want to tell them any sooner, because I'm sure they'd want to hire some person at $9 bucks an hour to fill my bill and ask me to show her the ropes before I go and THAT'S NOT happening. I'm still praying on a turn around in my favor, but at this point, it's going to be what it's going to be and there's nothing I can do about it.

So as for our 2011 Donor dreams, well I'm sure if the job thing doesn't work out, the dream will be left on hold for much longer. :( Just the thought makes me sick to my stomach. My heart is broke once again.....

What's with December for me? Last year I lost my baby and now my job. I guess I have to turn this awful situation, no matter how hard, into something good. So I've been being extra nice to people, complete stranger. 'Paying it forward' as you'd call it. I thought, maybe if I stop being so down and thinking I've been defeatede and knocked down again in my life that kindness will heal my wounds. I think it's a positive way to be, something I'm not prone to do. So why not.

God is good. Things will work out in the end no matter what.