Having a hard day....

I came across this page and wanted to share as I'm feeling really lost from one minute to the next.

It's called 'How to Walk in God's Peace' by Lisa Comes

Practical Steps You Can Take
As singles, couples, moms or dads, we all face the temptation to be anxious about circumstances, loved ones and the future. But the Bible teaches that we can walk in God’s supernatural peace because we are in Christ Jesus. Jesus Himself is our Peace. We can resist the temptation to give in to worry. We can choose, instead, to abide in God’s wonderful peace.

Peter the apostle wrote, "[Cast] the whole of your care–all you anxieties, all your worries, all you concerns, once and for all-on Him; for He cares for you affectionately, and cares about you watchfully." There are three truths we can glean out of this one verse:

God never intended for you to carry your own burdens.
He wants to carry them for you.

You have to do something when it comes to worry.
You have to cast worry off of yourself and trust God with your problems. It takes humility to say, God, I give this problem to You because You can take care of it much better that I can.

God You need to understand the Father’s loving care for you as His child.
Only then will you fully release the weight of each problem to Him. Worry, like other negative thoughts, is actually a thief-stealing our peace, energy, time and joy.

Many years ago, after a tragic situation, I was bombarded by negative thoughts almost 24 hours a day. But then I came to my senses and realized that I needed to take control of those thoughts. It seemed like such an impossibility at first, but I decided to do it one thought at a time.

Each time I had a negative thought, I pulled it down through prayer. I said, I pull that thought down, make it obedient to Jesus and refuse to dwell on it. I will believe what the Word of God says about me instead. I will come out of this situation in victory!

When I first started this, there was a storm in my mind constantly, but after a while, my mind became calmer. Every day it got better, until one day I realized that I was completely free in my thought life concerning that situation.

The same can be true for you. Determine today that you are not going to allow worry to control your life, but that you will believe God for His victory so that you can walk in His supernatural peace.

For the love of Friends

I've gotten some pretty nice emails, comments, etc from so many kind people who carry my sadness of this past cycle in their hearts for me. But I did want to share a post from a great friend of mine, well she's really my sister from another mother (no joke). It just touched me so much I really felt the need to share.

She said.....

I saw this quote..."Perseverance allows you to get back on track when you hit a detour."

I think that perserverance is the ability to keep going even in the face of continuous challenges. You my friend are the epitome of perserverance especially in my eyes. Even when life throws you the biggest of curve balls, you have this innate ability to get back on track and stay focused.

You are truly amazing. Sure, you could have given up when obstacles faced you, or used failure as a reason to quit, but you never, ever have. I admire you so.

I am hoping and praying with all my heart and soul that the detours you have been forced to take WILL inevitably get you to your goal. I just have to believe that will happen and that the Lord will see it happen for you.

I know that like me, you will not be satisfied until you attain what you want. And that means that no matter how many people tell you you're foolish to even try, your inner strength will counteract their negativity.

You have a spark within you...a spark that will not allow you to give up, a spark that will keep you going and trying and achieving your dream. All the while, I am glad to say that I will be one of those people helping to keep that flame alive.

Take some time to sulk...you are grieving and you are entitled to do so. In the meantime, just know how much I (and we) all love you!

I hope you don't mind I made this a post, Tracey, my dearest friend. I felt the need in these trying times for me to uplift my presence that I seem to come across to people and believe I can be strong again and do this again!

I got my BFP this past cycle!!! WOW!!! It's a huge accomplishment for me.....whether it didn't work out.....it has to be a sign that my body is gearing up for a pregnancy. I have to feel that in my heart and soul. My body never showed me this before right? So why not take a negative and make it a positive right? So that's what I'm going to do. I'm not fooling myself though. This cycle will be a challenge emotionally, but I will place all my Faith and prayers to God and Hope he finally answers.

Love ya girl!

God Bless.

L

Another try

Well I'm moving along, to say the least. Trying to gear up once again for another IVF cycle. I have my sad moments, especially when you get the looks & somewhat comments from some people around you that you should just 'get over it, 'it wasn't like you were pg that long' kind of thing.

I have my times of sulking, of course. I'm hoping to hear or speak to my Dr tomorrow but from my 'quick' conversation with my rude nurse on Friday I think she said he was going on vacation this coming week. So I'm not sure if I will get to talk to him. I know I need to let someone know that I will be starting my birth control tomorrow though, so I guess I won't have a choice but to call and speak to 'that' nurse again. I hope she has a more pleasant manner about her, even though that demeanor should of came with Friday's phone conversation. Oh well, what's done is done.

So as I said, I will be starting BCP (birth control pills) tomorrow (Monday) and be on that for 21 days. Once I get my new cycle in November I will be starting the whole process over with injections.

I am curious about one thing if I get the chance to speak with my Dr and that is will he take my positive 'pee sticks' as a positive conception? Or be like my nurse and disregard it with no feelings at all?? I think or should I say, KNOW, that finally becoming pregnant (a positive pregnancy test)after 15 years should account for there is a problem here. I've been telling him that I feel deep down in my soul and gut that I have an implanting problem. I hope he agrees and takes a different form of action so that I can finally have a successful pregnancy.

"Yes, I do Love God.
He is my source of existence and Savior.
He keeps me functioning each and everyday.
Without Him, I will be nothing.
Without him, I am nothing, but with Him I can
do all things through Christ that strengthens me."
(Phil 4:13)

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Also, I wanted to post (or ask) anyone who reads my blog today, if you have any Follistim and/or Menopur from your cycle that you will not be using, if you wouldn't mind donating them to me. I would greatly appreciate it. I don't have med coverage.

Thanks, God Bless

Beta confirmed......Negative =(

Thanks everyone.

I will need time to regroup & work hard on regaining some strength to try again.

The hardest thing I had to do today beside (for myself) go for blood work knowing what the outcome would be was calling my Mom to let her know it didn't take. She's 82. She said she felt something wasn't going to turn out right because I was spotting. She had her 'mother's intuition'. She prepared herself for the worst. It was hard telling her because she was the FIRST person I called when I finally got a positive! I was so happy to tell her that her baby is finally going to have a baby.

I'm carrying alot of sadness for having told so many people so soon. I was just so happy to finally be at that moment in time. Sadly, I will not be doing that again. This loss has taken that away from me.

Thanks to all who follow my journey, post comments and keep me in their prayers. I know God hears them, I just don't know why things happen. But I keep reminding myself that there are far worse off than me in this world. So much more sadness than the loss I'm feeling. It don't make me feel better, but it's makes me realize not to dwell too long when there's HOPE to take hold of & move on and try again. But I do need to grieve and I will take some time to do so and find that inner peace again & prepare myself for another try.

God Bless.

xox

UPDATE - I know it's over......

Just a quick but sad update.....I started bleeding this evening. I know tomorrows Beta will not be bringing me good news.

Thanks for all the prayers and support to everyone.

God Bless.

Heart Crushed =(

I can't help but feel down and my heart being crushed with sadness today. You wanna talk about testing to a 'stark white' test this morning, I really and truly feel I've lost this pregnancy. I'm NOT trying to be negative, really I'm trying everything not to, but it's too strong of a feeling. I know I'm doing it to myself every morning by testing, but you know alot of women would do the same thing.
Now I'll share the pee sticks picture with you all, as I was keeping that 'obsession' this week to myself. Seeing how it's all gone 'down-hill' since my beautiful BFP (Big Fat Positive)4 days ago, you will have to agree whether the following ones were 'tweaked' or you can see a faint line. Realistically and honestly, things don't look good. This looks like what is called a 'Chemical Pregnancy'. It's where the egg never implants or barely, giving you a positive because your body starts producing the HCG hormone.



I really hope to be 'that woman who proves the pee sticks wrong' but I'm not so sure that I will be.

FAITH lies in Gods hands tomorrow for a positive outcome.

Got a SCARE!!!

Well from re-testing in the past few days and ending with very very faint positives to now having a spotting moment, I must say I'm so scared of this pregnancy ending before I can even get to my blood work.

The spotting was one time today and in the last 4-5 hours and having pee'd 3-4 times since then, there hasn't been anymore. Thank the Lord. I'm very scared though. I won't lie. I'm taking it easy tonight. I'm going to pop in the new movie 'The Proposal' and try to have a few laughs for a change this week. It has been a roller coaster ride for me to say the least.

Please keep me in your prayers. 2 more days and we will have confirmation if things are still as the I thought as of last Sunday.............PREGNANT!!

God Bless!
Lorrie

Last night was more than just PG sickness I think!

Rough night last night. All day from 3:30am yesterday morning I had the worst migraine I've had in a long, long time! It lingered all day, no meds would even touch it. Well it's not like I can take anything other than Tylenol, so that's a dead end road for me right there. I really think I had more than just 'pg nausea' and a 'pg headache'. I really think I had some kind of bug ontop of it all. (sorry TMI) But I threw up so much from 10pm to 3am last night that I really don't think it's all due to feeling nauseaed from being pregnant. Because once I ran to the bathroom for my last trip around 3am after that I could finally fall asleep without that nausea/aching urge anymore. I slept from 4am to about 6:30am on the couch. My headache is mostly gone, I still feel a slight reminder on my right temple where the killer was. I went in my bed this morning around 8am to 11am and just layed there with an ice pak and drank some water diluted with PowerAid on and off. My stomach was so empty and growling by 11am so I'm now making myself a little something to eat, well more like, going to force myself because I know I need something in my belly!!! Like Austin Powers (Fat Bastard) would say "GET IN MY BELLY!!!!" lol.

I'm going to limit my time on the computer today, don't want starring at a screen to bring back that awful headache again.

I'll be KUAP on any updates!

MY DAY HAS FINALLY COME!!!

IT'S POSITIVE!!!!!!!!!!!
on a pee stick that is! But I'll take it!)

I really never thought I'd ever get to this day. 15 years is such a long time to finally know what it's like to finally feel the ULTIMATE JOY of a BFP (BIG FAT POSITIVE)!!! Blood work to confirm pregnancy is this Friday, October 16th, 2009.

Thank you all for all your prayers and positive thoughts for me and my husband. The power of FAITH & PRAYERS is always the way.

Lorrie
xox

Holding on to my Dreams

Today’s Scripture
“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.”
(Hebrews 10:23 NIV)

At some point in life we all face hardships. It may be something physically or emotionally challenging. Or it may be a dream or an opportunity that we missed out on. Whatever your difficulty is, don’t let it discourage you from believing in God’s best. The enemy wants to keep you focused on everything negative that’s happened, but don’t let him steal the dreams God has given you. He knows that if he can deceive you into thinking things won’t get better, you’ll lose hope and give up.

There will always be obstacles trying to keep you from becoming all God’s created you to be, but God has given you a promise for good and not harm. He has plans for better things ahead. It’s important to believe God and keep an attitude of faith despite your circumstances.

Choose today to hold on to God’s promises no matter what your situation looks like. Refuse to give up on the plans He has made for your life. God knows what challenges you’ve faced, and He has a way to turn things around for your good. Start thanking and praising Him for what He’s already done and what He will do.

A Prayer for Today
“Heavenly Father, today I choose to believe in Your promises instead of what I see around me. I will not give up on the dreams You have given me because I know they will come true. Thank You for Your goodness and faithfulness. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.”

THE COUNTDOWN!

OUR BABIES!!!!

Here's a quick post! I wanted to share a photo of OUR babies! (above) I finally get to show ones of my own instead of finding some on photobucket. lol. We transferred all 5 today and they were of great quality! Don't think "omg! Is she crazy to have let her Dr transfer all of them??" LOL to let you know, at my age (42) the odds of even '1' attaching is 18% so hence the high transfer.

Please pray for us. We are much more relaxed this time around and know that we were blessed to even be able to try another IVF attempt. Now I'm off to the couch! Dr's orders!!! ;-)

That time is here!!!!

Yes folks! Tomorrow is our 3 day transfer! I will have my babies (embryo's) with me litterly!! They will be home where they belong nestled inside my uterus. Please pray for us!

God, my new RE is so nice. He just called me to tell me the update again (my nurse called originally this morning). I have 7 embies growing, one 2 cell, four (beautiful) 4 cells, one 5 cell & one 6 cell. He said that the 2 that are 5 and 6 cell are not his best choice because they aren't that healthy in terms of fragmintations. But he did say that the 2 cell and all 4 cells are beautiful. He wants to transfer all 5!! :omg: It scares me but I know at my age the chances of one sticking is hard enough as it is. He is just so sweet, the way he talks to me and his concerns and is so genuine. Very kind soul, you can tell he really cares.

He doesn't have to call me again tomorrow but he said he will in the morning to let me know how my embies are doing & what to expect when I come in the afternoon for my transfer. Like I said, he is very very nice. I'm so glad I switched RE's and nurse. What a total difference.

I'll KUAP and keep praying for my babies xox