I think I'm losing it. Seriously. I've been so 'out of my skin' this past week with so much stress in my life that even my acupunturist said she can tell by looking at my tongue (as they all do before treatment). She said that I'd better try and calm down and/or get rid of what's or who's bothering me so much before we get any further into this cycle because IT WON'T WORK!!!! I already feel defeated and I haven't even started my IVF cycle yet, 'per say'.
I took a milder birth control pill this time around because last cycle I was even worse on the other kind. These moods and over-baring depressing feelings, always crying and freaking out, have just started about a week & 1/2 ago. I really hope I can shake it. Tomorrow (Sunday) is my last day on these God awful pills. I'll be starting Lupron on Wednesday. I go in on Monday first for my u/s and bloodwork to commence things. They just make sure everythings 'quiet' in there as the pill usually does. Then we'll be set to start stims (injections).
I keep praying for strength and trying to keep my Faith alive. It's hard after my loss last cycle. I want my little bean back so badly right now. I want to be pregnant and not have to do this again. But I know there's a reason for everything and I really do have to find that 'place' inside my heart to try again. I'm scared it won't ever turn out positive again. It pains my heart.
"Faith is not necessary when you know how things are going to work out, - that's knowledge. It's in the time of unknowing that having faith is what sees you through to the other side. Faith is what gives you strength. Faith is that light in your heart that keeps on shining even when it's all darkness outside. Now is the time to keep that faith alive."
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5 comments:
Lorrie, I pray that this IVF cycle goes perfect. I am always here for you. Thank You for updating. Audrey
I have lost 4 babies to miscarriage and the worst feeling is that of starting the wait all over again. that injustice that its gone and its unrecoverable. You are a mom as soon as you conceive your first child. Now you have to show that by calming yourself and being strong, making your body strong for a new baby. becuase thats what moms do. I have faith.
Lorrie:
I know this is so hard for you. And to be quite honest, I think it has been a little of both for you...a little BCP and a little depression too.
You have got to believe in yourself and this cycle. For as much as you might feel like you want to crawl up into a ball and cry, you've got to somehow find the strength to stand strong for your new babe(s) to be.
You can do this...God will help you do this. I am praying for you every single day!
Love you!
Thanks ladies. I will come around and get into this cycle. It is hard, but perserverance is WHAT I'm made of, no doubt.
There's alot on my plate lately, not only TTC and everything is weighing heavy on my heart, soul and mind.
I feel Gods love everyday even when things are going bad. He knows my hearts desires and will shine through for me once again. I too have Faith. We all get lost but He brings us back.
xox
Lorrie I agree with the other ladies and even though I cannot relate per-say my thoughts and prayers are always with you.
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