Sunday, July 24, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Perserverance......
HMMMMMMM....I really think my picture should be beside that word in the dictionary.
Desires of my heart. Here I am. Contemplating a new avenue, new hopes and dreams, of course at a price without any certainties again....as always.
So here we go. September 14th we are on a conference call (consultation) with a clinic in Upstate NY called CNY. If you get a chance, visit their website, http://cnyfertility.com/
This RE, Dr. Kiltz is a true inspiration and one that I feel I need at this point. My consultation is so far away because I ONLY want to speak with him. I need to hear from him as to what I need to do at this point. I know I am contacting him to embark on donor eggs, but I need to talk to him. Feel his uplifting words through me. Tell me I'm not at a dead end if he feels I'm not. Give me the inspiration that I need.
My niece has offered to be my donor, but after offering, she found out by her supervisor at school that she could not take 2 weeks off (which is what is needed for her cycling time) of school or else it will affect her year. She asked me if I could wait till July, 2012 when she has completed school. I thanked her enormously and declined and told her not to feel bad, even though I would love to have her as my donor, but that I could not wait that long. I will be 45 years old in Feb 2012 and feel in my heart that I would love to be at least a few months pregnant at that point, not still waiting. She agreed and said she would speak to her school again and let them know what the 2 weeks is for and see if they can make an exception. Either way, donor egg is our route.
We got approved for a loan to cover a 'family' donor, but since the news on my niece, we will need more $$ to do a single anonymous donor cycle. We put the loan money away and we hope to be able to add an extra $6000 to be able to do it. It's scary, to put all my hopes in a donor for $14,000, but this is the cost. It is 1/2 that if we use a family or friend donor. It eliminates having to pay a donor, that's why the cost is so much less.
I believe this is the right path for us. We did try and are not against trying donor embryo again, but it would have to be someone with many that are frozen and who is younger. I think most that donate their embryos are older women and don't have that many frozen, but then again, there are donors out there that used donor eggs for their IVF. I'm not up for an 'open' embryo donation, so this is also an obstacle with many.
I thought about doing a fundraiser again, but honestly, I don’t have the drive I once had. I feel I’ve been on this journey far longer than most and can’t expect people to keep helping us with this.
I do play the lottery…………hey we all can dream right?
Desires of my heart. Here I am. Contemplating a new avenue, new hopes and dreams, of course at a price without any certainties again....as always.
So here we go. September 14th we are on a conference call (consultation) with a clinic in Upstate NY called CNY. If you get a chance, visit their website, http://cnyfertility.com/
This RE, Dr. Kiltz is a true inspiration and one that I feel I need at this point. My consultation is so far away because I ONLY want to speak with him. I need to hear from him as to what I need to do at this point. I know I am contacting him to embark on donor eggs, but I need to talk to him. Feel his uplifting words through me. Tell me I'm not at a dead end if he feels I'm not. Give me the inspiration that I need.
My niece has offered to be my donor, but after offering, she found out by her supervisor at school that she could not take 2 weeks off (which is what is needed for her cycling time) of school or else it will affect her year. She asked me if I could wait till July, 2012 when she has completed school. I thanked her enormously and declined and told her not to feel bad, even though I would love to have her as my donor, but that I could not wait that long. I will be 45 years old in Feb 2012 and feel in my heart that I would love to be at least a few months pregnant at that point, not still waiting. She agreed and said she would speak to her school again and let them know what the 2 weeks is for and see if they can make an exception. Either way, donor egg is our route.
We got approved for a loan to cover a 'family' donor, but since the news on my niece, we will need more $$ to do a single anonymous donor cycle. We put the loan money away and we hope to be able to add an extra $6000 to be able to do it. It's scary, to put all my hopes in a donor for $14,000, but this is the cost. It is 1/2 that if we use a family or friend donor. It eliminates having to pay a donor, that's why the cost is so much less.
I believe this is the right path for us. We did try and are not against trying donor embryo again, but it would have to be someone with many that are frozen and who is younger. I think most that donate their embryos are older women and don't have that many frozen, but then again, there are donors out there that used donor eggs for their IVF. I'm not up for an 'open' embryo donation, so this is also an obstacle with many.
I thought about doing a fundraiser again, but honestly, I don’t have the drive I once had. I feel I’ve been on this journey far longer than most and can’t expect people to keep helping us with this.
I do play the lottery…………hey we all can dream right?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
the verdict is in....
Casey Anthony gets off on 'killing her child' and I get a BFN verdict that ends my journey of trying to have a child. What SOME take for granted I tell ya.
God, what have I done to deserve this???
Financially we're exhausted. Emotionally I am gutted. I have no clue how or when this will sink in that I am NOT meant to be a Mom. I can't even be a STEP Mom without problems. What was I thinking????
God, what have I done to deserve this???
Financially we're exhausted. Emotionally I am gutted. I have no clue how or when this will sink in that I am NOT meant to be a Mom. I can't even be a STEP Mom without problems. What was I thinking????
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Reality is evident....but I'm still trying to hold on to Faith
A good friend of mine suggested I test last night being my morning testing hasn't been successful so I did last night. BFN.
I was having some pretty hard sxs, veiny bbs, sore, cramps, pinching etc for the last 3 days, but the tests are really proving that it's clearly the progestrone making me feel this way. I've never used PIO before and to be honest, the ONLY time I've ever had veins in my breast was when I was pg. So I'm pretty confused and shocked to see them with all the BFN's. I would never think that prog would cause that much of a sxs.
Oh well....my brother and SIL are here from back home, They leave to head back on Friday. I go in for beta on Tuesday. I just want it over with as always. Not sure I can really say 'to move on' because at this point with donor embryos such as this, not sure if that blessing will come to us twice in a lifetime. Hubby said we'll 'deal' with what the outcome is and find someway I guess to do something, but I know the reality of it all. It's not good.
I'm off to try and enjoy myself today shopping!!
It is our Anniversary tomorrow (7 years). I'll probably test again tomorrow night to confirm what I already know for Tuesday. I'll kup.
God Bless and
I was having some pretty hard sxs, veiny bbs, sore, cramps, pinching etc for the last 3 days, but the tests are really proving that it's clearly the progestrone making me feel this way. I've never used PIO before and to be honest, the ONLY time I've ever had veins in my breast was when I was pg. So I'm pretty confused and shocked to see them with all the BFN's. I would never think that prog would cause that much of a sxs.
Oh well....my brother and SIL are here from back home, They leave to head back on Friday. I go in for beta on Tuesday. I just want it over with as always. Not sure I can really say 'to move on' because at this point with donor embryos such as this, not sure if that blessing will come to us twice in a lifetime. Hubby said we'll 'deal' with what the outcome is and find someway I guess to do something, but I know the reality of it all. It's not good.
I'm off to try and enjoy myself today shopping!!
It is our Anniversary tomorrow (7 years). I'll probably test again tomorrow night to confirm what I already know for Tuesday. I'll kup.
God Bless and
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Transfer has happened!!!
On Thursday, June 23rd we transferred one beautiful, hatching blast. We originally had 4 that we thawed, but only this one made it. I won't lie, I was very sad and disappointed after I got home from the transfer. I was hoping to transfer 2 blast, but there's nothing I could change. I have to have Faith and believe that things turned out the way they were intended.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Update....
Sorry I haven't posted in quite sometime but here it goes.
After a long DONOR EMBRYO journey from our last failed IVF back in August 2010 we are officially here!!! TRansfer date is..........................
THURSDAY, JUNE 23rd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Went in this morning for an ultra sound and blood work after taking BCPs. I just got the call. My numbers are great and it's time to start my schedule!
Estrogen ~ FULL SPEED AHEAD starting tomorrow!!! YIKES! Still can't believe I'm FINALLY here!
I told my nurse that I've never once had a lining issue with any of my IVF's. I always had amazing thickness. She was happy to hear this. I go back on June 17th for what's hopefully my last appt before transfer. I'll have my lining checked and blood work again.
Tom and I are going to book a hotel for June 22nd so we can relax the night before transfer near the clinic. Transfer is early in the morning.
Prayer request....
I'm really leaving this all in God's hands. I do pray for perfect thawing vibes so the embryos survive and are healthy as the day they were frozen in 2006. My Faith is there though. I do carry it in my heart and soul. I know God has brought me to this path and the donors to me for a reason. Just when I thought I was at the end when the previous donors took back offering their embryos to us, I was crushed. It was not a month later when this couple came to us from a site called Miracles Waiting. I feel very blessed and I will say excited!
After a long DONOR EMBRYO journey from our last failed IVF back in August 2010 we are officially here!!! TRansfer date is..........................
Went in this morning for an ultra sound and blood work after taking BCPs. I just got the call. My numbers are great and it's time to start my schedule!
Estrogen ~ FULL SPEED AHEAD starting tomorrow!!! YIKES! Still can't believe I'm FINALLY here!
I told my nurse that I've never once had a lining issue with any of my IVF's. I always had amazing thickness. She was happy to hear this. I go back on June 17th for what's hopefully my last appt before transfer. I'll have my lining checked and blood work again.
Tom and I are going to book a hotel for June 22nd so we can relax the night before transfer near the clinic. Transfer is early in the morning.
Prayer request....
I'm really leaving this all in God's hands. I do pray for perfect thawing vibes so the embryos survive and are healthy as the day they were frozen in 2006. My Faith is there though. I do carry it in my heart and soul. I know God has brought me to this path and the donors to me for a reason. Just when I thought I was at the end when the previous donors took back offering their embryos to us, I was crushed. It was not a month later when this couple came to us from a site called Miracles Waiting. I feel very blessed and I will say excited!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
The Long and WHINING Road....
Been feeling kind of blah. Just so much going on and NOTHING about getting closer to our FET it seems. My lack of posting comes from lack of enthusiam. IDK how to think or feel anymore. I don't even feel like we're going to be trying again. EVER. As soon as I start to feel we're getting somewhere and I can look at May or June or whenever, there's a set back with a 100 other things that get in my way and that can't be ignored. ALWAYS about someone or something else. What ever happened to the constant trying days?? I mean, I feel like for 2 1/2 years straight we were doing something fertility wise and now it seems like forever and it's almost like I honestly don't know how to get back into it or feel that it will come again.
I got an email from my nurse at Cooper Inst in NJ where our embryos are and just when I thought I could start looking/planning on a month to finally say "okay, I'll start BCP in such and such" she emails me saying how she was reviewing my chart to make sure we weren't missing anything and boom! Oh we didn't get this from Shady Grove .....oh we didnt get this from your OB. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
So I called both places and hopefully got them to fax over what they need. Jeezum crimers!!!! Is it safe to say I can start BC with May's AF now??? Well, who knows.....
I hate to get excited over this anymore.
I got an email from my nurse at Cooper Inst in NJ where our embryos are and just when I thought I could start looking/planning on a month to finally say "okay, I'll start BCP in such and such" she emails me saying how she was reviewing my chart to make sure we weren't missing anything and boom! Oh we didn't get this from Shady Grove .....oh we didnt get this from your OB. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
So I called both places and hopefully got them to fax over what they need. Jeezum crimers!!!! Is it safe to say I can start BC with May's AF now??? Well, who knows.....
I hate to get excited over this anymore.
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