At this point on our journey we are embracing what's to come. Praying and believing that all things are possible through God.
Honestly, I've been quite sad these past few months or should I be completely honest and say for far more over a year now. I have come to the conclusion that if I do not change my way of thinking and the feelings in my heart I will never move forward to His promises. I use to be so uplifting and somewhat confident in my actions, now I just sort of lay around waiting for something to bring me up and no matter what, nothing seems to anymore.
I'm trying so there's that. I spoke with my Dr a couple of weeks ago and she agreed from what I was expressing that I am clearly headed in a severe depression, if I'm not already there. We spoke about the realities of what I have been through. Many of you will understand who have been through IVF's and IF treatments, that your body goes through some pretty rough emotions let alone the repercussions of injections. I've gained access weight and I'm not feeling so healthy or active. This needs to change.
Today is a new beginning. I woke up and said "This is it Lorrie! You need to find yourself again and get yourself back to where you need to be, not necessarily where you once were, but an even better place!!" So with that said here it is. I am starting to exercise on a daily basis from this day forward. I will work on my body, mind and soul with the help of an exercise program, not letting things overtake my mind and keeping my heart open to God and his word. I will heal from this dark place and in the near future I will embark on another road to this journey and that's through Donor Egg.
We have some money put aside for this but as many of us know who have paid out of pocket for treatments it's not enough. Our goal is $10,000 to add to our baby fund. It's a lot to save up, but I believe things will turn around for us and the funds will come along somehow, someway.
God Bless,
Lorrie
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2 comments:
Lorrie, as I read this post (aside from me rockin' out to Bruce), I could actually sense the renewed energy in your words. You have been down for so long now...beat down by circumstances, ill-fate, loss, betrayal, etc. And while you have been in my prayers EVERY SINGLE day, as a friend, I have to admit that I came to a point where I did not know what to say, what to offer, what to give you that would/could help. You have always had my heart, but I knew that just wasn't enough when you felt like the entire world was closing in on you. Then, I read this post and it made me smile, yes, it made me smile...just the smallest glimmer of that good ole' Lorrie sticktoit attitude came shining through your words and it made me SMILE!! And then, as I was reading some of the blogs I follow, I came across these words..."When one door closes another opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which are now open for us. We will eventually have another door open; I don't want to miss it due to the fact that I can't let go of the door that just closed." A girl named Tiffany http://thepiferfamily.blogspot.com/2011/09/letting-go.html who herself has been struggling with infertility posted these exact feelings and I thought to myself, "Oh, my God, that's exactly what Lorrie is bravely doing now too!" Yes, Lorrie, that big ugly door is closing...fight looking back, and instead look ahead to what can be. Your friends and the Lord have not given up on you...we are just waiting for you to turn the key in this new door and step on through to what awaits for you. I love you!
"When one door closes another opens, but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which are now open for us. We will eventually have another door open; I don't want to miss it due to the fact that I can't let go of the door that just closed."
WOW! I love it!!!!!
Thank you so much for being such a good friend even if we are miles away. I miss our convo's and YOU!
I LOVE YOU TRACEY!!!
Lorrie
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