I know I'm not posting much anymore. I thought about my blog today and thought I'd give an update.
As you all know since the 'meltdown' I put myself on a much needed break from all fertility treatments. I will say so far on this break, I've lost 8lbs and have more energy and just hate sitting around anymore. Before, my life was consumed with posting on blog, the pregnancy forum I've been a member for 2 years now & researching every aspect of IVF and symptoms, etc. This is a real treat for me. Don't get me wrong, I wish I was well and ready to embark on another cycle, but I know I need to find that place again before I do. I need to find peace within.
Many times my thoughts do get the best of me and I think of how far along I'd be right now (almost 21 weeks). There's this girl on the pregnancy site that got pregnant exactly when I did, infact we had the same due dates. I won't lie, seeing her ticker too often brings me to a place I don't like to be. It hurts. Not in anyway towards her, God no, but it's that 'reminder' that hurts. So I try to stay away and limit myself from that pain.
I have thought about my next cycle. Kind of pondering over when I *think* I will want to do it. I'm feeling July for some reason, but we'll see. I have till October 2010 to use my last approved IVF cycle, but I really don't want to wait that long to try again incase of complications as I've been through so many this year for some reason. A jinx maybe????? Who knows. Just bad timing I guess or better yet, God's way of telling me to take care of me and prepare my body for his blessing. I like to think so in that way.
I will KUP!