New Job with IVF COVERAGE! A waste......

Tom and went for our consult with the RE at Shady Grove on 12-23-11 with excitement & relief that we finally had another 3 tries (knowing these would be our last) to bring home our miracle in 2012. But much to our surprise he declined to take me on with my own eggs. He said he could not sleep with a clear conscious if he did. He thinks my time is up with my own eggs. He said that that's his opinion from his heart. He offered to present it to the board of RE's (over 40 of them he said) at the clinic and he will not vote on it and let them do so after he gets my Day 3 numbers with my next period in January. He knows the board will want to know my numbers before they say yah or nae to see how my ovaries are functioning & my reserve.

I won't lie, I sat back in my chair is dismay. I couldn't believe I was finally back with coverage, including meds this time and the unimaginable has happened. Of course he encouraged me to go the donor egg route which by all means, if I had $29,000 I would do it in a heartbeat!!!! So he offered to take $2000 off and have me apply for something they call 'Shared Help' where you can receive an additional 10-30% off treatment if we qualify. That would help a whole lot if we were to get 30% off we'd probably be looking at around $19,000 for the shared risk program (1:3). That is 6 attempts for that price and if you don't bring a baby home you get your money back.

That's all fine and dandy. Again, I would JUMP ON IT IN A NEW YORK MINUTE if I could get a loan. The sad thing is in the 'real' world you can easily get a car loan no sweat, but go into a bank for a personal loan to have a baby, and that won't happen. Like Tom said, "When there's no collateral, what are they going to do....take the baby if you don't pay???" of course he was acting like a smart @ss about the whole thing, but it's disheartening for him too.

So I guess the plan right now is to get January's Day 3 blood work done to see what my 'numbers' are and go from there with the board’s decision. In the meantime, I’ll work on applying for the shared help and applying at the Fertility Finance place too. Not too hopeful there as we were previously denied a few years ago.

I can't say that I'm feeling sad, not sure why. Maybe deep down inside I know my Faith will prevail. When the world crashes down on you, I never stop praying and talking to God, because no matter what, it was never about them. In the end it's God who leads me to the right moment, opportunites and blessings.

I'll kuap.

God Bless.

Positive change isn’t a matter of the will. Rather, it’s a matter of being willing to do whatever it takes. When I am not willing, no matter how much I say I want to change, it will not happen. I am only playing a word game, and everyone understands what I am saying.

The difference between the will and being willing is great. Making my dreams come true doesn’t require an iron will. I don’t need an indomitable spirit before I start the journey. I don’t need to spend years pumping myself up in preparation for the moment that will takes over, sweeps me off my feet, and carries me to total victory. That is a fairy tale of the will. No one has a mountain of will that sweeps away all opposition.

I don’t need a massive will to succeed. I do need a willingness to do whatever is required to make my dreams happen. Although I don’t have an iron will, I do have a willingness to work around, go through, over, or under whatever obstacles get in the way. This is a quiet willingness. Eloquent speeches of dramatic resolve aren’t part of the script. I simply get on with the business of living my dreams. Every day I focus on my purpose and act on my plan, because I am willing to do whatever it takes to make my dreams come true.

Remembering my Angel...

It hurts my heart to no end to have had the chance to finally see a little baby growing inside of me and heartbeat to have him/her taken away from me shy of 7 weeks.

December 26, 2009 ~ RIP my little angel - I will see you again one day.


Representative Gingrey from Georgia, spoke words that totally hit home for me:

Mr. Speaker, I think the importance of this resolution is to let people know that when couples have a miscarriage, it is a child. It might be for some people, well, it is just a miscarriage. They were only 6 weeks or they were only 9 weeks, and they did not even know whether it was a boy or girl. But in the minds of that couple in many instances it is their very first pregnancy, and they are already thinking about that little boy or the little girl and what the name is going to be and the clothes that they are going to pick out and the joys they are going to have sending that child to school and raising it and seeing it play sports and become an adult some day and contribute to our great society. We tend to forget that. And this was brought home to me pretty vividly recently when my daughter-in-law, pregnant with their first child, found out at 10 weeks that the baby did not have a heartbeat. And so that baby was lost. And she went on, of course, and miscarried. And that loss will be with them forever. And so I think it is just so important for us all to realize that when somebody, when you hear about somebody having a miscarriage, do not think, well, it was just a miscarriage, it is not like losing a child or an older child, which of course I do not know that anything compares to that. But this is a significant loss. And that is why this resolution today is so important.

Thanks to my dear friend Tracey for sharing the words from Representative Gingrey.

Joel Osteen ALWAYS changes my Black Cloud into Sunshine of HOPE

Let Those Doors Close
Posted by Joel Osteen on 10/7/2011

Years ago, I walked into a government building. There were two sets of double doors about 15 feet apart. They were both automatic doors. In order for the second set of doors to open, you had to let the first set of doors totally close. As long as I stayed near the first set of doors, the next set would not open. I had to go beyond a certain point to trigger the second set of doors. Really, it's the same way in life. You have to move beyond your past disappointments, move beyond your failures, and move beyond the hurt. You have to let those doors of the past totally close. There's nothing you can do about them anymore. You cannot change the past, but you can do something about the future. What's in front of you is more important than what is behind you.

Maybe you feel like life has knocked you down. The key is: don't stay down! Get back up again, dust yourself off, and move out of the way so those doors can close. If you can't find anybody to encourage you to take a step forward, you've got to learn to encourage yourself. Get up in the morning, put your shoulders back, and look in the mirror and say, "You know what, I've come too far to stop now. I may be knocked down, but I'm not knocked out. I'm going to get back up again. I know I'm a victor, not a victim." Keep yourself stirred up so you can see new doors begin to open. And I believe if you will have the right attitude, you will see more opportunity in your future than what you've lost in the past. This is a new day.

Today let me encourage you, God is a good God, and He has good things in store for your future. Don't camp out between the doors of the past and the doors of the future. Don't settle in the land of "good enough." Keep pressing. Keep believing. Keep moving forward. You've got great things on the inside you. You were not made to be average; you were made to excel! You were made to leave your mark on this generation. Choose to let go of the past, choose forgiveness, and choose to move forward through the open door of blessing God has right in front of you!

"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead" (Philippians 3:13b, NIV)

Well hello BLACK CLOUD, it's you again...

Lord, as soon as I get some shear inch of HOPE on this journey, that maybe, JUST maybe one day my dream of becoming a mother will finally come true, BAM! Black cloud is back!

The 'baby fund' as I called it sometime ago that we have aside and trying to add to it as we go along is being compremised. My husbands work truck had some major issues and needs some pretty expensive repairs, $3000+ in repairs to be exact!!! It's enevitable not to touch our funds for this because reality is that without a work truck, there's no work. So here we are again and again I ask myself the same questions to God....

Is this a sign? Is the path to Motherhood not in store for me?

My age is such a disheartening reminder that time is going by and turning 45 in Feb 2012 is not far away. It saddens me to no end at the thought that I am back to square one from what seems like over 5 years ago, but at least I was 5 years younger. We didn't know what we were going to do to make this baby dream happen. Then things fell into place, we did a fundraiser and cycled, then insurance coverage came to us by some miracle and cycled 3 times more, had our blessing but lost it. Now I feel helpless. At our wits end really....

I guess it's back to wishful thinking and lottery tickets...

Interesting words today....just what I needed.

You have to be very selective about what you give your time and attention to in order to live the life of victory God has promised. You have to recognize which thoughts to ignore, which comments to ignore, and sometimes, which people to ignore. Every “battle” that comes across your path is not a battle that you’re supposed to fight. Many battles are simply distractions to try to lure you off course. If that battle is not between you and your God-given destiny, it’s a battle you should ignore.

Many people get thrown off course because they are always trying to straighten everyone else out or win their approval. If that’s your focus, you are wasting valuable time and energy that you should be using to pursue your dreams. Turn away from that distraction! You don’t need the approval of everyone around you; you only need God’s approval!

Friend, it’s very freeing when you realize you don’t have to fight every battle. You don’t have to straighten people out. You don’t have to pay somebody back. Instead, focus on what matters; focus on God and His Word so you will live in peace and happiness every day of your life!

WOW!!! Please help a good Cause and our chance to a free cycle!!!

Shady Grove is conducting a 'Win a Free Cycle with SGFShady Grove Fertility', up to $10,000 in value, to one lucky raffle winner! You can sponsor someone when you fill out the raffle ticket!! What an amazing opportunity!

Here are the details:

Entry into the Shady Grove Fertility Free Cycle Raffle also includes entry into the Grubb's Pharmacy Fertility Medication Drawing.


- 1 winner will receive a free cycle with Shady Grove Fertility, up to a $10,000 value.
- 2 winners will receive $5,000 in fertility medication with Grubb's Pharmacy.
- Entrants, 18 years an older, can enter to win with a $30 entry fee.
- You may purchase up to 5 entries per household.
- You may gift the prize to another person.
- Cycle prize value may go towards any treatment cycle at Shady Grove Fertility, including IUI, IVF and Donor Egg.
- Some medications for the cycle will be suppled by Ferring Pharmaceuticals and EMD Serono.
- Contest ends Thursday, Sept 29th at 11:59 pm EST. Winner will be announced publicly on Sunday, October 2nd at the Cade Foundation Race for the Family.

Please visit this link to buy a raffle ticket and support me, Lorraine Sears.
Just knowing the donation will be going to a great cause as well is a BONUS!!

http://raceforthefamily.net/?page_id=195

ACT SOON though, it ends next Thursday (September 29th a minute before midnight)

Thanks for your support!

God Bless,

Lorrie