I couldn't of said it any better.....

There are women that become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics, money or that I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I will count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child that my friends will not see. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen. And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth and when life is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes with walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.

Yes I will be a wonderful mother.

Author Unknown

Update

Well here I am, on my FINAL IVF journey. Well with my own eggs that is. Now I wait to see if it worked. Not feeling like it did, but again it's very early in the game. Game??? Why would I even say that? I guess after so many years of this I don't know what to call it anymore.

Here are my stats from this cycle:

IVF #4
Egg Retrieval was 8/15 (13 eggs - 6 mature - 5 fertilized)
Egg Transfer was 8/18 a 3 day transfer. We transferred all 5 embies
Beta is on 9/2/10


Praying for my MIRACLE

Momma I'm comin HOME!!

Well folks we're heading out to Montreal in about an hour or so. I wanted to stop on my blog and tell you so, so you wouldn't think I wasn't 'updating' again for a long period of time lol.

I can't wait to see my family. I miss them all so much.

I'll be back in town on August 1st and starting stims once AF shows up probably around August 4th or so.

Ok well, I'm off!!!

Ciao!

God Bless.

Lorrie

Change in protocol!!

We still have a plan as my previous post indicates, but it's one with a new protocol! I got a call from my nurse last week stating that my RE wants me to do the Antagonist protocol. Which consist of NO BIRTH CONTROL! The sad part is I had just purchased the darn things a day prior to her phone call and they are a whopping $70!! :-0

With that said, I have a completely different med order which would be costing me over $1000 not including my meds for stimming in August. YIKES! Lord help me. So, I couldn't afford the Ganirelix shots from the pharmacy, so I got right on my search for donations or less expensive purchases of the stuff. So far I lucked out and need just 3 more. (RE order for 9 of them).

We're leaving this Sunday for 2 weeks to Montreal, Quebec to visit my family!! I'm so happy to FINALLY be going HOME <3 I will have to bring a few shots and patches with me as my protocol requires it towards the end of my vacation there. No big deal. I want to be ready to start my IVF process when I get back the first week of August versus having to do this part then and push the IVF cycle to September.

Well that's the updated news for me. I probably won't be around til August.

God Bless,

Lorrie

There's a plan in sight!! :)

Well I'm excited to announce that I just got the call. AF showed today and I called my RE's office to see if I should start BCP's with this cycle or wait til August. She said that my Dr wants me to take them for only 14 days. He doesn't want to surpress me as much this time around. So I was happy about that, but if I started them this week my ER and ET dates would fall at the end of this month & I can't do it, I'll be away in Montreal. So I'll be starting them with AF in August as originally planned. :) Why try to 'rush' things at this point. I've been on a break for 6 months now. One more month won't hurt. I kind of did a rough calculation and my ER and ET should fall the first week of September (hubby's b-day is Sept 6). I'm getting my mind set now!! Finally a plan in sight! :)

Still on a break

But so looking forward to our next IVF cycle in Aug/Sept!

Hi folks! Sorry I've been away alot. I've been busy with work, healing, losing weight, planning my trip home, etc. I've been doing well. Taking my Omega's, vitamins, DHEA, to name a few. Working on my eggies for our next round in hopes to have the BEST cycle ever!!

July 18th we're heading out of town to visit my family in Montreal(Canada). We'll be there for 2 weeks and then some of my family will be coming back with me to visit for a week. I can't wait to see and hang with everyone. I'm very close to my family. We always laugh and have a good time. :) I miss my Mom everyday.

This is good. This break has been hard and good at the same time. I catch myself thinking of where I would be right now in my pregnancy but the pain is not as pronounced. It doesn't have that same harsh sting like it used to. I would be 36 right now :-/ I can't believe it's been over 6 months since my miscarriage. Where does time go??? I did have some medical (female issues) setbacks while on my break. It was pretty bad and uncomfortable, but I got through it and all is well thank the Lord.

I will be starting Acupuncture on August 9th, after family leaves. I will be on birth control in August to prepare for the end of Aug early Septembers' IVF cycle. I hope and pray there will be no set backs or troubles that occur when we do start. I will KUP.

Much blessings,

Lorrie

A simple update....

HI everyone. Sorry I haven't updated my blog since April, but I've just had trouble doing so. I don't even post that much on my pregnancy site that I've been part of for over 2 years.

To put it in a nutshell, I'm just doing my thing. LIFE. I've been trying to lose weight, 10lbs so far. It's a slow process and I know if I pushed myself harder it would come off alot quicker, but to tell you the truth, I don't feel like it.

I got some 'women issue' lately that have taken away my uplift to even TTC naturally. Not sure what it was YI or what! I'm really thinking it was a break down of all I went through. All the stress a person goes through like I have is bound to produce some kind of mess and it was surely a mess!! Pain, discomfort...you name it. I would cry everytime I would need to use the restroom. Things are getting alot better now, thank God.

Other than that I planned a vacation home (Montreal) for a week and 1/2. I'm excited about that. We'll leave July 21 and come back on August 1. My sister and BIL will be coming back with us and taking the train back home.

I'm contemplating starting BCP's in August instead of July and doing my IVF cycle at the beginning of September instead. I would hate to be in the midst of injections when my sister is here visiting, but I'll see when AF shows up in July and decide, well calculate how things will fall in August. If it don't interfere with their stay, then I'll start BCP's in July.

So that's about it. Simply enough of an update, but still an update.

Thanks for thinking of me.

God Bless.

xox

Heavenly Father, I give to You every area of my heart. I give You my questions, my disappointments, my doubts and fears. I choose to trade my sorrow for Your joy. I choose to press past my mountains so I can embrace the promises You have in store for me. In Jesus' Name. Amen.